A couple of weeks ago I accompanied our intern to the emergency room at a nearby hospital after she half-fainted. A few hours into the whole kerfuffle, I realized that my lack of panic or any other similar emotion, while a good thing, seemed suspicious; almost as if I didn't care. I remembered when an adult once made a negative remark about my silence and calmness over a shitty life-changing event that was then unfolding before us; she seemed to think that I simply did not give a shit about people I care about when I was (and still am) merely unintentionally unflappable when it comes to crises.
But whatever. I continued with my normal behavior that night in the emergency room, and by normal I mean resorting to cracking jokes and telling stories about dumb situations I've found myself in.
Right before our intern was about to get an ECG, she thanked me for the third or fourth time for helping her out and staying there with her. Now, I've never been good at dealing with compliments and heartfelt gratitude. It felt especially weird to be thanked for doing something a decent human being would do so after some uncomfortable silence from me, I finally replied with: "Yeah I'm not really comfortable with gratitude? Can I interest you with an offensive joke instead?"
"How offensive is it?" she asked.
"Depends on you, I guess. What's your limit? Dead babies?"
She laughed and said, "Why don't you start with the racist ones first before we go to the dead babies?"
While the nurse started preparing her for the ECG, I told her a fairly popular racist black joke. She laughed, and so did the nurse who was also subjected to my enthusiastically told joke.
I jokingly added, still snickering, "I hope there aren't any black guys around here hahahahaha--"
"Um, there
is a black guy here," the nurse interjected.
I stared at her.
"Yeah, other side of the room," she added, pointing at the curtains behind her about ten feet away.
"OH GOD."
Well
of course there would be a black guy the first time I tell a racist black guy joke out loud.
Later, while waiting at a different part of the hospital, I glanced up as I heard the noise of someone being wheeled into the corridor where I was seated. Naturally it was him, my recently insulted black dude neighbor who upon seeing me, stared directly at me. I nonchalantly returned my gaze onto my iPad as he was wheeled away from me. Surely he couldn't have gotten anything from my emotionless face! But really, with my luck, he probably knew that I was the racist culprit.
Sorry, man. Obviously if I had known you were there you would've heard a Holocaust joke instead. But again, with my luck, you're probably Jewish.
